Stations of the Fish

TRIGGER WARNING: My son F again. This time, he has decided to take off his IV of sarcasm, and has instead decided to inject himself with The Serum of Blasphemy. If you know my son, you should expect to mourn at his funeral, as he is probably about to be cremated by a divine fire. Or turned to salt, because God sometimes did that, too.

 

He claims that this makes sense if you know the Catholic Stations of the Cross, which he does since he went to a Catholic Elementary School.  We paid for this.   I guess we should be aware of what I’m buying, because this makes minimal sense to me.  Alas, caveat emptor.  And with that….

Stations of the Fish

1: The Consumer (S/he who is great and powerful and donates greatly to charities) decides on The Fish Fry (The Charity, that which is accepting of money in exchange for food).

2: The Consumer is led by (or betrayed by) signs pointing to The Fish Fry.

3: The Consumer is accosted for monetary funds by The Fish Fry.

4: The Consumer is denied immediate nourishment by The Fish Fry Attendants (those who worship The Consumer for the assets that They may hand out).

5: The Consumer is silently judged as a stranger in A Most Holy House.

6: The Consumer is welcomed, and given The Plate (that which conveys nourishment).

7: The Consumer takes up his Fish (Fried or Baked, it is the true Primary Consumption of The Consumer)

8: The Consumer is helped by The Fish Fry Attendant to decide between Baked Potato (That that is a whole potato, and sliced once) or French Fries (That that is a potato sliced and fried)

9: The Consumer meets The Women (Those with two X chromosomes) of The Fish Fry, as they help The Consumer decide between Coleslaw (The cabbage shredded and blended), Applesauce (An apple that is pureed and sweetened), or Mac & Cheese (Cooked flour and water  that is Cheesed).

10: The Consumer has taken his fill, and eats of it.

11: The Consumer promises his money to The Fish Fry next week, in exchange for more of The Fish.

12: The Consumer entrusts His Friends (Those that know and fear The Consumer, and trust His/Her guidance) and The Fish Fry to each other.

13: The Consumer dies as A Lutheran (That that is the religion of The Consumer), and is reborn as A Catholic (That that is the religion of The Fish Fry).

14: The Consumer returns to His/Her Home (That that is the residing place of The Consumer).

Lent Week #3: St. Paul the Apostle.

I want to take a moment to give some advice to anyone planning a Fish Fry, or any other charity fundraiser that serves food and potentially serves it to people who are unfamiliar with your venue and or your system. Please be generous in your signage!

We have visited several Fish Fry’s both this year and last that had poor signage. On more than one occasion we searched around large multi building facilities trying to find where the Fish Fry is located. We have also wandered through buildings searching for the dining area. You can follow your nose, but this sometimes leads you out back where they are frying the fish.

Finally, your Menu should be readily available both at the table you pay, and at the place you get your food.

This Friday on the third week of Lent Z and I, and our wayward Catholic friend Beth, went to St. Paul’s Catholic Church in Westerville. Thom and Fe were away on spring break, so this week it was just the girls. I brought up the suggestions about signage because of our visit here, but St. Paul’s is not the first Church where we have experienced this.

We arrived at their huge complex on State Street that contains what looks likes two Churches and a school. Despite the lack of signage on the outside of the buildings we were able to spot the school cafeteria from the outside and people mingling around. This was our clue and we ventured in.

We were in luck. Our dinners were $7 for adults and $4 for children 12 and under. Bargain hunters note: this was the lowest price so far this year.

After we paid ,we received our color coded tickets and a small orange traffic cone. We found a place at one of the tables and put the cone on our table. After just a few minutes of waiting a nice man from the Knights of Columbus came around and took our order.

The adults had the option of fried fish, baked fish, or macaroni and cheese for our entree and French fries, scalloped potatoes, or macaroni and cheese as side dish. There was optional coleslaw or apple sauce, and white roll or wheat. Drinks were also included and were served yourself.

This is another situation where they could have printed out menus and either posted them on the wall or had them on the table. It would have made it much easier of us and for our “waiter”. The only difference between our menu and Z’s was that she was not able to order baked fish.

Also if you were paying close attention you may have noticed you are able to order macaroni and cheese with a side dish of macaroni and cheese!

We all ordered fried fish and let me first say that it was both hot and yummy. My side dish was scalloped potatoes and coleslaw, Z had the macaroni and cheese and apple sauce and Beth had the scalloped potatoes and coleslaw.

I apologize that we didn’t order the French fries. I will tell you that they looked good and if the fish was any example their fried food was very good. The scalloped potatoes were tasty and Z gave the macaroni and cheese a thumbs up.

Z’s best quote of the evening was that our rolls tasted like communion bread. The amazing thing is that she was right, at least compared to our church.

Desserts were an extra dollar and once again homemade. Z had “dirt” in a cup which made her very happy and I had a nice piece of cake.

Our little group enjoyed our evening and our only complaint would be the poor information sharing. Again, something to keep in mind if you are planning your own fish fry.

Let us know if you have a great Fish Fry to wow us with!

4th Week of Lent: St. Margaret's of Cortona

It is a very bold statement to bill yourself as the “best” of something, but that is what St. Margaret’s of Cortona, on Hague Av, does at their Fish Fry with big, bold signs and T-shirts. This required our intrepid family of Fish Fry connoisseurs to investigate.

If numbers of people make you the best, they certainly have that in their favor. Because F and I were traveling this weekend we had an early dinner at St. Margaret’s. T. met the kids and I there and reported that patrons were wrapped around the building at 4:30! Police were there for crowd control.  At 5:00 we definitely hit the senior crowd and crowded it was. Their dining hall was stuffed to the gills (pun intended).

St. Margaret’s managed to put a new twist on how to serve a Fish Fry.  Once we entered and purchased our tickets we were sent off to find seats among the long a banquet tables. We worked our way through the crowds and staked out our four seats. Then we were told to wave our tickets in the air and one of the servers came to take our order.

Options for dinner were: fish, baked or fried, baked potatoes, French fries or steak fries, apple sauce or coleslaw and a roll. T, F and Z all had the fried fish and I sampled the baked. Everyone had French fries.  Z had apple sauce while the rest of us tried the coleslaw.

 I thought the baked fish was fabulous! It was nice and moist and had a lovely dill sauce.  Z grumbled a bit about the lack of macaroni and cheese, but enjoyed the fish. T and F both thought the fish was good, but T said he prefers less of a breaded batter that was served at St. Margaret’s.  We all thought the fries were good. The coleslaw was both creamy and tangy and enjoyed by all three eaters. It is important to note that everything came out hot. Dessert was also included and while we did not confirm this we think that the desserts were home made.

On the down side St. Margaret’s was the most expensive Fish Fry we have eaten at. Children ten and over are adults so we paid the $8 price for all four of us. They also charge .75 for cans of soft drinks and $2.00 for beer domestic beer. You are able to get free “seconds” on your fish however our portions were large enough that it wasn’t necessary.

You could also spend $10 on a commemorative t-shirt.  (I thought it was cool looking, but didn’t buy one.) Another smart move on their part, St. Margaret’s has a cash machine at their entrance. Maybe it was for the fish, maybe for the bingo that seems to be played at other times. 

 

Overall, it was a very good meal.  Many in the crowd commented that this was the Best Fish Fry in Columbus, but among us, it was no one’s favorites so far.

On side note, F and I stopped at Max and Erma’s on our drive back to Columbus and he tried the fish and chips dinner. He decided that the Catholic Churches serve better fish!  I couldn’t get him to be any more descriptive , but since he is a teenager we will have to settle for that.

Next week:  St. Andrew’s in UA! See you there!

3rd Week of Lent: St Catherine's-Bexley/Columbus

In the interest of full disclosure, I was a Delta Zeta in college. T was a Delta Sigma Phi.  I am telling you this because this week I became curious about the Knights of Columbus.  So far we have visited two fish fries that were sponsored by the K of C. Interestingly, the Catholic friends that I asked were not really sure what the K of C did, so I thought I should check this out. First of all I went to the K of C website and while I did not read every page I did get the general idea.  I disclosed my greek-ness because to me it looks like the K of C is essentially a fraternity for Catholic men. Founded in 1882 in Connecticut as a fraternal benefit society, they are to strive for charity, unity and fraternity.  It seems that they are to take care of their community of families and the community around them.  Like many fraternities they have some pet charities. Two that the website highlighted were: Coats for Kids and the Global Wheelchair Mission.  Also, as an extension of their goal to take care of their community they offer health insurance.  I will say that I did find an issue or two that concerned the liberal side of me. Not surprisingly, for a Catholic organization the K of C website had a very pro-life bent. I know that this is part of the Catholic doctrine, though it would make me feel better if I thought my fish money was going to wheelchairs or coats than to pro-life rallies. Hmmm, something to think on. Of course, there are websites with conspiracy theories, but I’ll leave that one for Dan Brown. One thing I do know is that the K of C at St. Catherine’s makes really good homemade donuts.  I am taking that on the word of my friend N and her parents J and S. I figure who can I trust better on donut quality than one of my favorite eleven year old girls?

J, S, N and her brother E joined us at their parish St. Catherine’s, at 500 S. Gould Rd. on the East Side of Columbus, for our third Friday of Lent Fish Fry.  Proving that there are many ways to host a Fish Fry St. Catherine put their own twist on things. Like our first two F.F’s you were able to purchase an adult or child meal but at St. Catherine’s you could also purchase a family meal for $24. This covered a family of two adults and two children.  Another twist is that St. Catherine’s served their meal as an all you can eat buffet. Finally, they were the first we’ve seen  to offer baked fish as well as fried.  Both types of fish were tasty. I especially enjoyed the baked fish. It had great flavor and I liked the dill seasoning.  Also offered, were the standard fries, coleslaw, applesauce, and macaroni and cheese. Punch, water, and ice tea as well as a trip to the dessert table came with your meal and you have the option of soda for .50 cents and beer for $2. Overall the flavors were very good and most of our group thought that the creamy coleslaw was tasty. The girls liked the macaroni and cheese,  but thought the cheese sauce could have been creamier. The two boys, 13 and 14, seemed to pretty much gobble down everything on their plate without complaint. The one downfall to the meal  stems from the buffet style. Most of our food was not hot. I am sure that this stems from the fact that they are trying to have masses of food ready and out at the buffet table. Once they master getting it served hot I think that it will be an even better experience.  Overall our family had a great time with our friends and enjoyed our meal.

We are taking suggestions for this Friday. Let us know!

2nd Week of Lent: Immaculate Conception, Clintonville

The age-old question:  Why don’t the Catholics think that fish is meat?  Surely, most vegetarians and all vegans think that fish is meat.  After a bit of research on the internet today I found out there are a variety of answers from the very esoteric to the heretical.  The truth is in there somewhere.  On pages written by the theologians, it was very deep and murky, and there was some suggestion that it had something to do with the pope’s mistress in the middle ages withholding her favors until her fisherman husband was able to sell more fish.  Hmmm!  What seems to make the most sense is that it stems from fasting and abstinence and, unlike the modern, western idea of fasting by eating nothing but fruit juice and water traditionally it was about spending time in contemplation and minimalist diet, meaning only what your body needs. This comes from a time when meat was expensive and reserved for those wealthy enough to have their own cattle or purchase it in the market. Peasants were able to provide their own fish and vegetables without any expense. So, therefore fish is not a sacrifice to eat or to abstain from.

It seems that in the 1960 the churches started to recognized that more mothers were working and the community dinner started to take hold and thus the Catholic Church Fish Fry!  Another interesting tidbit the Filet o’ fish at McDonalds started as a result of Catholic’s abstinence from meat on Fridays. One of the Franchisees started the practice and got into trouble with the company founder Ray Croc. After a debate they held a sales contest between the Filet o’ fish and Crock’s sandwich made from pineapple rings. Guess which one won!

This week our family was joined by one of our Catholic friends, B, as we headed out to Immaculate Conception on North Broadway in Clintonville. Friday night was a very snowy and icy evening but we braved our way and I.C. is the closest Catholic Church to our house.

One interesting difference we noticed this week is that I.C. is set up more like a restaurant.  Your enter the building and there is the order and pay station but from there you are seated by a hostess at large round tables that you may be expected to share with other families. Your tickets are collected from you and then you are served your dinner by a “waiter”.  They may bring you drinks or you may serve yourself.

Their offerings were similar to what we had had the previous week. Your options were Adult Fish dinner, Child Fish dinner or Macaroni and Cheese dinner.   You could also purchase extra fish.  On the beverage side B and T were able to indulge in a beer from Columbus Brewing Company for $3.50, Soda was $1.00 and lemon aid was free. Desserts were also offered with one option being Dairy Queen soft serve with one topping for $1.00. Our total for the five of us before the beer was $36.

T, D, B and F all ordered adult fish dinners and Z ordered the Macaroni and Cheese.  Our fish dinners were served with two pieces of fish, steak fries, coleslaw, green beans, and a roll. Z’s macaroni and cheese was served with one piece of fish, apple sauce and a roll. The fish was nice and hot and very good.  We were not very impressed with the steak fries though we did eat them all. There was a 50/50 split on the coleslaw. I like mine creamier and this was on the more tart side.  I would give them a bonus points for the green beans, but they were of the institutional variety, as in canned from the school cafeteria, but they had a vegetable!  Z ate her macaroni and cheese so fast that no one else could try it and declared it was very good, not too cheesy.  That’s a good thing for Z as she doesn’t like cheese clumps in her Mac and cheese. Once again we missed out on dessert. We had lots of Girl Scout Cookies at home calling us!

Overall, we would recommend Immaculate Conception’s fish fry. The food and atmosphere was very nice and they get added points from the beer drinkers! It would have been nice to have a glass of wine. 

Next week:  St. Catherine’s in Whitehall